Epiphany #2

Last Friday one of my co workers left our company for bigger and brighter things. As is customary his line manager gave a sterling speech regarding his accomplishments and achievements during the time he spent with us.  It made me feel woefully inadequate until I started a fantasy about what I’d like said at my leaving do.  “Debbie is leaving us so she can spend the disgustingly large advance she has just been paid before going on a world-wide book signing tour.”  I did say it was a fantasy.  But this fantasy did make me reassess how I feel about both my work and my writing.

I do want to be as good at my job as I can be.  However, in the past few years I have tried a number of projects, department changes and re-training prospects all of which have fallen flat because my heart hasn’t really been in it. That’s because all these aspirations require the finances and time that I’d rather spend on my writing. This may mean that I am consigning myself to slowly ambling up the career ladder while simultaneously reaching for something else that is never going to happen, but that doesn’t matter.  I only get one life and I would rather spend it writing. Writing makes me happy.

Next Friday I will stop being self-indulgent, but until then share your writing epiphanies below.  How do you all feel about your day jobs? Or are you one of those hallowed few who has writing as your day job?

 

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12 thoughts on “Epiphany #2

  1. I think that it is wonderful that you can see the light. One of the things which I know is that if I live to be old and doddery, I don’t want to look back and regret not trying to be what I want to be – I remember my grandmother in her last days telling me how she wished she’d done things differently – it’s a lesson for us all, so go for it!.

  2. Dear Debbie,
    I was talking to my eleven year old about this very subject last night–wondering aloud if I was wasting my time on all this “writing stuff”, (ever feel like its all a delusion?) yet gathering my wits (and energy) at nine o’clock p.m. after the toddler is FINALLY asleep, the house is quiet and I’d spent the day at giving my best energy to children, work and home, yet ticking off the fifteen hours (!) before I’d be able to sit down and write at the end of the day.
    My daughter rubbed my shoulders and said, “Well, if you keep writing you’ll at least have a shot–but if you give up, you’ll never know.”
    Simple wisdom. What can I do in the face of that?
    Besides, there’s always a tale to tell and stories are told by the survivors.
    You go girl! And if you get down, just remember, “Hey–there’s always post-mortem publishing!”
    Sigh.
    ~Just Jill

    • Then there’s hope for us all! Your daughter is exactly right. And isn’t it the trying that’s supposed to be the satisfying character building part anyway? Thank you for stopping by, Jill.

  3. You write because if you don’t you will stand in the shadows one day and watch others take the glittering prizes.
    You write because if you don’t then one day people will point at you and say ‘she wanted to be writer you know. Poor thing’
    You write because you want to get out of that godawful wage earning cycle
    You write because without writing what else do you do have
    You write because while writing you can still dream about the future
    You write because without writing you are just another faceless shape in the crowd
    You write because you are a writer

  4. Likewise, Debbie! I like my job but I resent it because it takes up time I could spend writing! I had to make a decision to put everything into my job while I’m there – like you said, to be as good at it as I can be, and to accept that I can’t stay home and write. It’s so hard because I don’t think I’ll ever be able to write the novel I want to write being so tired and time-restricted. It’s not going to stop me trying, though. I’m sure it won’t stop you either!

    • No, I wont stop. I don’t think I could. I’m enjoying all the snow in th UK today because it means I can stay at home and write guilt free. Good luck with your WIP.

  5. I know what you mean. Someone actually asked me why I’m seemingly setting myself up for failure.

    I just said that I’d rather spend my life trying to succeed at what Iove rather than succeeding at something I don’t care about.

    Good luck!

    • That’s a good answer. I think if you do actually finish what you’re working on and you’re proud of it that is a success. Even if you never get it published. Good luck to you as well.

  6. I do resent my day job, but it allows me to pay my bills and take a vacation while I’m finishing a novel. I am lucky enough to have an office job that isn’t restrictive. I’ve finished two degrees and a few novels in the slow times. I hope one day to be able to quit because my writing supports me, but I fear that day is a long way off. And yes, it’s difficult to put my all into my day job when all I think about is writing.

    • Yes, ‘resent’ I think is the word I was looking for. I do have a daily mantra when I get to my desk each day that tells me without my day job I couldn’t write at all because I couldn’t pay the bills. That helps. The fact that you’ve done so much while working is encouraging too. Thanks for sharing.

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